Disco de Merle Haggard: “Best of the Best”

I had a great, true blue friend named Andy who took his own life in 1986. Andy was a hard-core Country-Western music fan who was certain that MERLE HAGGARD was God. His most famous remark - heard daily and known to all of his friends - was, "You know what Merle Haggard says: F**k 'em!" That was Andy's answer to everything: "You know what Merle Haggard says: F**k 'em!" His greatest disappointment in life was the fact that he couldn't get into the U.S. military (preferably the Marines) because he had a metal plate in his head from a childhood accident where he went through the windshield of a pickup truck his brother was driving.

When Andy put a bullet through that metal plate in '86, his friends held a wake where we played Merle Haggard's music in tribute. I later acquired the compact disc THE BEST OF THE BEST OF MERLE HAGGARD to listen to each year on Andy's birthday. I've just learned that the Country-Western legend has written a song called "HILLARY" promoting Hillary Clinton's White House bid. Well, I'm almost glad that Andy didn't live long enough to see this day, and you know what I say about Merle Haggard: "F**k 'im!"

The old "OKIE FROM MUSKOGEE" whose most famous song starts with, "We don't smoke mar!juana in Muskogee" is now endorsing a woman for U.S. president whose husband admitted that he smoked that weed, but didn't have the groin stones to admit that he "inhaled" it too. That song also says, "We don't burn our draft cards down on Main Street." Well, ol' Bubba never received a draft card because he jumped through hoops to avoid the Vietnam "police action" (not that I really blame him for that, but his cavorting with the Commies in Rooskieville was inexcusable!) Furthermore, the Okie from Muskogee told us that, "We don't make a party out of loving", but Hillary's wife made a national disgrace out of it. But then I suppose that "depends on what the meaning of loving is." Although in his defense, I don't think he ever had more than one woman in the Oval Office at a time. A sure sign of human decency, respect for the office of president, and indicative of respect for his husband, Hillary. (Read

for a real eye-opener!)

The singing narrator of WORKIN' MAN BLUES (this disc's best song in my op.) tells us that he has nine kids and a wife but also boasts, "I ain't never been on Welfare, and that's one place I won't be." But now in 2007, the singer is supporting a feminist with a Socialistic agenda. (That's a bit redundant, I realize, but I won't take the time to explain why.) The author of "IT TAKES A VILLAGE" is now supported by the Workin' Man who shuns Welfare. Well, my great friend, Andy, may have had a metal plate in his head, but at least he had SOMETHING in there! And at least he really did believe in Truth, Justice, and THE AMERICAN WAY; when it came to Marxism/Leninism, he wasn't Hot-To-Trotsky.

In his entertaining book,

, MY favorite Country-Western legend tells an interesting story: "Merle Haggard and his manager, Fuzzy Owens, got me in a poker game and cleaned me out. I had four or five thousand dollars on me, and they won everything. They were there to get my money. That was it. I think Merle is a great singer and songwriter, and probably he was in as bad a shape as I was, but we've never been close since that night. I can still remember their faces. When I was broke, they said their good-byes and left. I never forgot that." [Page 173]

With a friend like that, who needs enemies? So I already knew that Merle was a jerk, but now his idiocy has been confirmed as well. I have decided that from now on I will honor my friend Andy's memory by NOT playing THE BEST OF THE BEST OF MERLE HAGGARD on his birthday. I'm going to leave the disc in the vast Arizona desert for the wild dogs to p*ss on and the "snakes" to adopt as one of their own. I give three stars to the music (not bad) but zero stars to the checkered-shirtted, straw-hatted, tobacco-chawin' turncoat who makes it. Poor Andy, he must be turning over in his . . . well, he doesn't have a grave - his ashes were let loose by a group of parachuting buddies in free-fall over Kern county, California.

Following are the lyrics to Merle Haggard's "HILLARY" :

Eight years in the White House

With the know-how we need

When you walk with a leader

You learn how to lead

And who kept her head high

When it could have been down

Who ran the show

When the scandal hit town

This country needs to be honest

Changes need to be large

Something like a BIG SWITCH OF GENDER

Let's put a woman in charge

Put a woman in charge of the Army

Put a woman in charge of the wheel

The country owes it to Hillary

And Hillary owes it to Bill

Now I can fully appreciate HAGGARD's disgust with the GEORGE W(ish I had a brain) BUSH presidency. Bush never got a single vote from me. Being a "True" and "Educated" American patriot I NEVER vote for a Republican or a Democrat; I cast mine for THE CONSTITUTION PARTY's candidate in the last election. And I opposed the war in Iraq from Day One. But Haggard's support of Hillary illustrates why so many in that music genre are mocked for their high self-esteem/low IQ reputations. If I was an Okie from Muskogee, I wouldn't be very "proud" today.

Hey, MERLE, I got some news for ya: That "BIG SWITCH OF GENDER" you're looking for? It's already occurred, pal. Take a gander in yer Wranglers!